We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
