I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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