I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
