Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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