Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
