So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
