so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
