we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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