did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
