Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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