My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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