he puts the penis in happiness.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
