He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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