she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
