i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
