Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
