I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
