I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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