before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
sarcasm needs its own font
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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