please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
