My cat gives me a boner
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
