i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
