I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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