Your face is a jimmy john
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Can I color on your dick again?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
