I puked a lego.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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