its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
