In the future we'll all be gay
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
