It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
