You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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