Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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