You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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