I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
