ya dads aren't the best wingmen
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
dude. I can hear the air.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
