i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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