Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
