I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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