Have you finally orgasmed yet?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
