The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
