we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
