"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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