Who did Billy Mays play for?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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