dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Who did Billy Mays play for?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
