I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
