i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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