Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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