sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
