guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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