my shit smells like andre
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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