Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
