3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
