I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
