No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
