Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
