I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
